If You Could Know Me
by Ishy-chan
Summary: This is based on the poem by Anji Michalski Would the others see what Lina believes they would if they saw behind her mask? ch 6 posted
1. Reflections

If you could know me

poem--Anji Michalski

story--Ishy-chan

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Disclaimers: I do not own the Slayers, the cast, settings, or otherwise.  *insert legal jargon here*

Note:  This is a Xel/Lina fic ^_^  sorry to all those other coupling fans, but, this is my favourite pairing... gomen... but please, there's no actual scenes where they're seen together... *grins*   This was inspired by the poem "If You Could Know Me" by Anji Michalski (found on www.darknessrising.com).  Please, read on and lemme know whatcha think!

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            A white gloved hand ran through the untamable molten tresses as a soft sigh escaped her lips.  This night she'd wanted to be alone and had offered to take first watch in order to be able to think without her companions keeping a watchful eye.  They didn't, couldn't, know the turmoil of the young sorceress and she wasn't going to let them see, if she could help it.  In the face of friend, foe or stranger, her mask was pulled on, even when she was alone she kept her facade, allowing it only to slip on rare occasion.  What would happen if they really knew her?  Knew what lay beneath the devil-may-care attitude and unbelievable power...

_If you could know me,   
I wonder what you would think?   
Would I still be a fiery little brat?   
Someone who has too much pride?   
An unending source of bravery and energy?   
And her ego is kind of big?   
  
_

            She had to be strong for them, she thought, her gaze sweeping over her friends to finally land on her self-proclaimed guardian.  He lay spread-eagle in his sleeping roll, his snores sawing through the still night air but unnoticed by the others.  Even she had learned to tune them out after a time.  With one arm tucked behind his head, the other flopped to the side, the well-built blonde slept on, oblivious to her caring gaze.

            "Gourry," she whispered.  "For you I have to be knowledgeable and patient, and I know I'm a bit hard on you at times.  But you've never let me down when it really counted and I know how much you care for me."  She sighed again.  "I love you, Gourry, you're the big brother that I never had and I wouldn't exchange the time we spent together for anything.  We didn't always think that we'd get through what the world faced us with, but no matter what, you had faith in me and that's the reason you can't ever know who I truly am.  For you I have to be strong and seem carefree just to keep you on your toes."

            She smiled fondly at the handsome swordsman before her ruby eyes shifted across the low fire to another figure.  Black hair framed the pretty round face of the young sorceress, her dark lashes laying in perfect crescents upon her cheeks as she slept soundly.  She lay on her side, hands tucked peacefully beneath her cheek as she mumbled something incoherently in her sleep.  Lina's smile widened.

            "Dreamer," she murmured.  "Always the optimist.  Justice rules your heart and for that I have to continue my acts against the kind of Justice that you favour.  If I hadn't, would you have come to realize just how the world works outside your view?  Perhaps, but doubtful.  Oh Amelia, you're a dear friend and although a little naive, you hold hope, love and friendship above all else.  I wish that I could see the world in the same fearless light.  Maybe it's because of you that I can't be anything but brave and powerful.  You, Princess, despite what others or yourself may think, need protection and I think that's why I have come to treasure my friends and feel the need to protect them against the so called evils of this world.  

"What do you know of true evil?

            "Evil is simply a perception, Amelia, you still must learn that.  The Mazoku aren't as evil as what they're made out to be just as the Dragons aren't as pure as what people think.  The demons are unbelievably loyal and although they favour death and violence, and feed of the emotions of humans, that doesn't make 'em evil.  The lizards are similar in the fact that though they say they are loyal, they are also known to betray and undermine.  More than once they've manipulated humans and others of their race into what they wanted them to do all in the name of peace and justice.  Filia stood strong against that and strove for what she felt was right and what did they do?  They made her an outcast of the Dragons...  And look at Xelloss, despite being a high ranked Mazoku, he's helped save the world as well.  Would a truly evil creature do that?"

            She smiled and gave a small huff.  "Look at me, here I'm defending the most feared races of this world... Who'd have thought?" she chuckled.  "May your light never die, Amelia, and may you never see deep enough into me to see mine; to see how small it has become.  Thank you, my friend, for giving me a reason to protect this world instead of hiding from it like I always want to."

_Now, wait!   
Before you say yes, remember the question,   
If you could know me, what would you think?   
What?   
You already know me?   
Hah.   
Stupid people. You don't know me at all.   
  
_

            "Zelgadis, the most difficult person but probably my best friend."

            Her eyes moved onto the sleeping chimera, laying motionless, save his breathing, beneath his blanket.  He was beautiful, she thought, her eyes running over the all too familiar features of blue rock flesh, the even darker pebbles that studded his eyes, jaw, chin, and the lone pair that rose a little down from his left eye like a mole.  His shimmering lavender hair of wire, and the rare peaceful expression found only when he slept, and even then not always.  

            "Zel," she breathed through a soft chuckle.  "Why do you always have to take things upon appearance?  Why can't you see that those who matter don't care what you look like, or the fact that were you to become human again, you may lose what powers you gained with the acquisition of this body?"  Sigh.  "You, the most logical, serious, and occasionally downright antisocial of us all needs to look for deeper meanings hidden by false appearances.  You should realize that better than anyone... 

            "Perhaps you can solve any problem given time but still you sometimes miss the obvious.  Why can't you see that Amelia loves you?  That I care for you as the best friend you are?  Or even that though you may think that your claims that Xelloss is a fruitcake are mostly unfounded, that they are in part true.  I've seen the way he watches you when you're not looking.  And haven't you ever heard the old saying that, 'if someone likes you, they pick on you'?  Just from that I'd say he likes you in more than one way, but then, who am I to talk in matters of the heart?  I, least of all, should talk.

            "Oh Zel, you're too centered on your own unique appearance and self loathing that I have to act the part of a wild child just to make you loosen up on occasion.  You've changed since we first met years ago but still, your views are the same.  For you, I have to be the child, the risk taker, the friendly face, and the intellectual mind just to challenge you."

_See, I meant if you could **really **know me,   
If I ever let you know me,   
Then, what would you see?   
If you could see me in the nights I sit away from the fire,   
Alone, breathing hard, crying, and calling for help?   
  
_

            "What would you think if you saw me now?  Would you see the Infamous Lina Inverse or would you see the real me?  I know you best out of all of us and still, I can't tell...  Who am I to say that you need to open your eyes and your mind when I can't even be myself?  At least you have that luxury.  I wonder if you'd turn away in disgust if you _knew _me, or if you'd just give that small smile of yours that I don't see often enough and just tell me that it was about time...  With my mask I am your opposite, Zel, but inwardly I am too much like you, and because of that I don't think you would handle the real me very well.  I'm sorry."

_If you could see into my eyes in a fight,   
The tears, and the fear, and the disgust at what I do?   
If you could hear that tiny quaver in my voice,   
When I am casting any spell,   
Would you still think of me the same way?   
  
_

            Now her ruby eyes turned skyward as she leaned back on her hands.  Her thoughts drifted to Filia.  The Dragon was far to the south now, Jillas, Grabos, and little Val in tow, in a mace and pottery shop that doubled as her new home.

            "Filia, when you came to me to ask for my help against Darkstar, you weren't positive that I could pull of the job and it was only my sister's reference that pulled me into accepting, as you and the others well know.  But you have no idea how much I had to hide from you that day.  Had you never come, I never would have had to build additional defenses around myself and life would have continued until that day when Valgaav summoned the Otherworld Dark Lord.  Would you have been surprised to find out how terrified I was about the new enemy?  Could you have known how close I came to giving up?  How could you, you had no clue.  I've had far too long to build up my little barrier around myself and now I can see that if it wasn't for you I wouldn't have had to bury my fear and protect the ones I care about.  

            "Did you hear the catch in my voice as I cast my spells during those fateful days?  Did you sense my hesitation and trepidation?  Probably not.  You had much too much to worry about for yourself and that was the reason I finally pushed back the real me once more and boldly took the mission to destroy the Otherworlder.  Can you imagine the amount of innocent blood that stains these gloved hands of mine?  Of course not, you could barely handle the thought of your race betraying others of your own kind.  What would you do if you knew that I've killed for money, not just bandits and demons, but others as well?  Would those pretty blue eyes just stare in loathing at what's truly inside me?  How can I say?  You are still somewhat of a mystery to me but still, for you I had to add unconquerable bravery and objectiveness to my already complex facade.  Perhaps I should thank you, for now it is almost complete..."

_If you could know me,   
Would I still be the enemy of all that lives?   
Would I still be the one even a dragon wouldn't mess with?   
Would I still be the bandit killer?   
Would I still be... your friend?   
  
_

            "And how can I forget you, Sylphiel?  Whose father was killed by the clone of my enemy and Zelgadis' grandfather...  You've lost so much but in doing so you became so much stronger than me.  I can see you just shrugging off the comment with a small protest that I have the magic, but you'd be wrong.  Sure I've got Her power, but the real strength lies in the person.  I can't even show myself to you or anyone else, even myself at times...  Where's the strength in that?  When I met you in Sairaag for the first time, I was jealous of your relationship, strange though it was, with Gourry, but not that I wanted him for myself.  Oh no.  It was that I didn't want to lose one of my anchors in this world.  Surely you of all people can understand that...  

            "I think you saw into me that day when we went to fight the copy of Rezo... the day you saved my life.  I never did repay that debt, but I will.  I swear it!" she vowed quietly.  She paused for a long moment, collecting her thoughts as she watched the moon rise, slowly obliterating the stars behind it with its bright luminescence.  "Could you understand why I hide myself away?  Or would you just shake your head sadly and turn away?  I know I showed you that I'm not what my legends say... 'Bandit Killer', 'Enemy of All Who Live', or 'One Even a Dragon Wouldn't Mess With'.  You know better than that but still, could you accept _me_ as I am truly?  I wish I knew.  

            "For you, my quiet shrine maiden, I added hope, endurance, and a softer side to my mask.  Truly now, it is nearing completion."

_If you could know me, really know me,   
Then would you see me as the way I see myself?   
A scared little girl who'll never be good enough, or pretty enough, or strong enough?   
A disgusting little child who'll only be a murderer, and never be good enough at being even that?   
  
_

            "Lastly... Xelloss," she breathed, her eyes closing against the contradictions of the night sky, her body shaking slightly as a shiver worked its way up her spine.  Sitting up she drew her knees up to her chest and curled her arms around them protectively.  "You are still the most mysterious yet blatantly obvious one of us all...  Yet, could you see inside me?  Could you see past my mask just as I can occasionally see past yours?  You've changed me, Xelloss, for the better or the worst, I'm not sure but a change nonetheless.  You taught me how to keep my mask from slipping even at the most stressing of times.  Like you, I've schooled myself to keep up my act in front of others but I haven't the practice you've had and I'm positive the others have caught it slip more than once.  But what of you?

            "Do you know that for you I could never be good enough, strong enough to catch your attention?  But what would you, a highly ranked Mazoku, want with a pitiful little human anyways?  I know that I have no figure to speak of, no great social skill...  the only thing that I'm remotely good at is killing, and even that leaves something to be desired in comparison to you or many others of the three races.  I'll never match your skill, wit, or catch your eye.  I've wondered more than once why I've even bothered and still, I'm not sure, but it gives me a purpose, a goal.  I know that you're attracted, even maybe love Zelgadis as much as you can, or perhaps Filia…perhaps.  And I doubt very much that you're otherwise hurting for nighttime companions when you so choose, so I'm not sure why I can't just give up like I want to.  

            "Could it be that for you I strive to be the best I can?  Maybe..."  She bent her head to rest her forehead on her knees, eyes closed in thought.  "Can you understand the turmoil of a human soul?  Were you ever human?  You almost had me convinced when we met not that long ago and you told us of a Clair Bible manuscript held by the bandit gang...what was it now, the Dragon's Blood Macho Men?  I'm not sure anymore, so many enemies, so many faces, so many names... "  She sighed softly.  "What would you do if you could see me; if you could know me?  You would see a human child, a murderer, an insolent mortal with power far beyond what any being ought to be granted, a lonely little girl afraid of the world and herself... all hidden behind a mask of bravado, power, sharp words, and a sharper temper.  That's what you'd see, wouldn't you?  No one could like that.  I don't.  But tell me..."

_If you could know me,   
What would you see?   
Would I like what you saw?   
Would you forgive what you saw?   
If you could know me,   
Tell me, what would I be? _

            "Tell me, could you find it somewhere inside yourself to like me again, as you seem to like how I am with my mask?  I know that as a human, I'm interesting to you, or at least who you think I am is.  Despite your nature, could you forgive me?  Because of what I sought to achieve, to not let down your opinion of me, I was relentless in my pursuit of power and riches.  I perfected my facade, but with one flaw... I'm still human.  I still wonder, I still care, I still fear deep down inside and my biggest fear is that I would be alone if anyone, especially you, _knew _me.  

            "I've one last question for you, Xelloss, if you could really know me, tell me, what would I be?"

            "Mine."

~end of chapter one~

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Well, that's my poem-fic... comments?  Flames?  Suggestions?  Lemme know. 

Many, many thanks to Anji Michalski for her great poem which was my inspiration *bows to Anji*

Well, that's my little shpeal... *grins*  Ja ne!  

~Ishy-chan


	2. Answers

Of Masks and Perceptions

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Hmm, well lookie, I actually wrote a continuation!  I plead for patience when you're reading this as I did this when I was _really_ tired and not functioning at that high of a level.  *Grins sheepishly*  I know some of you are going, "well then just redo it!" but I can't... I can't rewrite it, it just wouldn't come out the way I want it to and this one did, for the most part.  

  
Well... enjoy!

Oh yeah, mushiness and OOC warning….

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"What?"

"I believe you heard me, Lina," the violet haired priest said quietly as he knelt down before her.  He could see the doubt in the eyes of the sorceress as she gazed at him.  How he loved those eyes, so deep and red, like freshly spilt blood yet so clear that one could lose themselves.  "If I could know you, my dear girl, what do you think that I would see?"

"What I see.  A scared little brat with too much bravado and no respect for anything," she answered simply, moving her eyes away from his face as she embraced her legs tighter to herself.  "Right?"

"Wrong."  His smile widened slightly when her attention snapped back to him in surprise, her delicate eyebrows drawing together slightly.  With slow grace he stood and held out a hand to help the petite sorceress to her feet before gesturing for her to follow.  "Come, and I'll tell you what I would see."

Lina, though nervous of what he'd say, followed a step behind him as they wound their way through the forest, the only sound being the sound of her footsteps and the faint thud of his staff against the ground as he walked.  It was some moments and the Mazoku still hadn't begun, and she began to dread the words he would say to her.  I see a child, weak and spoiled, a young woman that is undesirable and immature, and a sorceress that has too much strength and not enough skill, that's what he'd say.  She was sure of it.

"Fire," he said lightly, his tone softer than what she'd expected.  "Your eyes alone speak of the fire that burns brightly within you.  You may think that it's dim and flickering and that you've duped us all into believing otherwise, but you are mistaken.  You're right, I have seen through your mask, just as you've seen past mine, but what I see there is far from what you think."

Had she heard him right?  Was he saying that she was more than what she thought of herself?  No, she thought, I must be reading into it too much.  But still, the thought burned through her mind like an ember through her glove.  With growing consternation she reached out to stop the priest, turning him towards her with a light touch on his shoulder.

"Explain yourself."

Xelloss grinned but complied.  "I said you were like fire, something that has to be handled carefully in order not to be burned, yet that flame is a source of light and heat for many, and at times can blaze out of control, leaving its mark on the world.  Your temper is a main piece of your mask, Lina, we both know this, just as my smile is mine.  We both use them to keep others at bay or to keep them second-guessing themselves.  In that, you sometimes let your emotions run away on you and with them your power can occasionally leave a few not so small marks on the land."

Lina frowned darkly.  She knew he would see the way she handled herself as less than perfect.    "So it does, and I do get carried away at times.  I've tried to keep my emotions locked away but I don't have the skill or the will to keep them that way.  I love to feel and I love the power I can wield, it's the consequences that disagree with me.  Perhaps I lack the skill needed to harness L-sama's powers... She was wrong to allow me to have them.  Me, a child."

"Don't be so hard on yourself, Lina, for you aren't all that," he dismissed, tipping her chin up with a fingertip. Opening his eyes he looked into hers to see the pain and the doubt residing there.  "You wanted to know, so now listen."

"But I-"

"Tut," he silenced, pressing a finger gently against her lips.  "My turn to talk.  A child you aren't.  What child can control the fate of the world between her hands?  And L-sama would not choose wrongly.  She is the creator of us all and she best of all would know that you are the perfect one to carry her powers within you.  Don't you see that you know the dangers of Her power but still you harbor them?  And that you have the responsibility and the skill to cast them with relative ease but not to let them come to misuse?  You doubt yourself too much, Lina, and because of that, now, you are afraid.  You may have feared what would happen before, but I've seen the excitement come into your eyes whenever you're casting.  You were given a gift, Lina; something no one else in the world has...  Delight in it.

"You said that your bravery, ego, immaturity, and strength are all fractions of your facade, and you may be right.  But the part where you're wrong is that you've created that ploy so well that it has become a part of you, your personality.  You may have thought that you were only pretending your bravery before your friends, but did you ever stop to think of how much courage you actually had to have to do so?  You have the strength, courage, and mindset of a great sorceress, just as your mask shows, but within as well.  Where you see a coward, I see a powerful courage that aches to be recognized mainly by yourself.  Your friends all love the way they think you are and within, I don't believe that you're all that different with the exception that you hide your emotions and a far more sensitive side from them.  Perhaps it is that you don't want to be hurt, but only now are you realizing that you're hurting yourself worse by acting this way.

"Tell me, Lina, in a word describe what you see in yourself," he ordered suddenly, his eyes boring steadily into hers.

"There is no one word," she answered after a moment.  She was growing upset, her features reflecting exactly what she felt, unhindered.  He was only saying what she thought the others would see... her mask.  "How about murderer, thief, liar, egotistical, insecure, frightened, envious, skeptical, weak, disgusting... a fake."

There was no contempt in Xelloss' eyes when he spoke again, his words comforting rather than berating, "Murderer?  I am no one to speak about such things but I will point out, however, how many people you have saved each time you rose to the unbelievable task of saving the world.  Thief and a liar?  Well those are just two of the many things I like about you, Lina-chan; you get what you want, usually by any means necessary and if that involves the occasional lie you'll do it.  The same with treasure which you usually acquire from the bandits that haunt the roads and I'm sure no one besides the other brigands would argue with idea of a few less bandits in the world," he smiled and Lina felt her lips twitch in the beginnings of a grin.

"As for an ego, well, you are rightfully entitled to one aren't you?  Do you not have the power and the skill to back up any threat you issue?  I always believed that you did, so are you going to tell me that I'm wrong, again?"  The sorceress shook her head, the corners of her mouth turning up slightly.  "Good.  Now, as for insecure and frightened, all humans have such misgivings, that is why they acquire friends and thus have the ability to care for them to a greater degree than the other races.  You have friends that care for you and you for them, and you can't tell me that you would trade them for a world without them.  I know you better than that.  You treasure your friends despite your sharp words and blows, and it would destroy you to lose them.  You are loyal to them, and that demands recognition for you do not trust lightly nor do you let yourself close to anyone very often.

"You are one of the strongest beings I know, so I think that settles your little comment about being weak."  Lina grinned and he smiled wider.  "Disgusting," he chuckled, winking at her.  "Far from.  I find nothing about you repulsive, including your exquisite eating manners," Lina flushed, "so I cannot agree with you on that one either.  Skepticism is a part of human nature and I'd be worried if you weren't at least a little skeptical at times because then you'd lose your sharp wit and wouldn't be so entertaining to string along..."

"Hey!"

Xelloss laughed then, his eyes softening as he ran a hand lightly down her cheek before continuing.  "A fake you say.  Well I cannot see how one with so adverse and wildly colourful a personality can be fake.  We both put up fronts for people but behind them, no matter what lies there, it is real.  It cannot be manipulated on a single thought or whim and it's there to stare us in the face every moment and that's what makes us who we are.  Dreams are our escape and occasionally our prisons, but what we live and what we are is real.

"Envy?" he continued, his smile becoming thoughtful as he turned away from her, his eyes searching out the moon through the budding foliage of the forest.  "I can appreciate that.  I, too. envy others, in fact I'm downright jealous of some people."

"You?" Lina gasped.  She hadn't thought that of the priest.  She figured that such petty emotions were below him; how wrong she'd been if what he was saying was true.

"Yes, me.  I do not envy skill or different looks as some do, but I envy... your friends," he said quietly.  He'd never even told his Mistress about this secret and he expected the sorceress to sneer and turn away, but she had to know.  "I'm jealous of your friends because they are your friends.  They have your trust, loyalty, and heart and I don't, not that I deserve it for the acts I've conspired in against you, mind you.  I long for someone that I cannot have because of what I am and what she thinks of them.  I do not have her trust, and without that I cannot even dream of having her loyalty, and I fear that her heart already belongs to someone else.  You said once that backstabbing you is what you expect as I am a Mazoku, and in return you use me as a convenience item... and it's been true, but what I hadn't counted on is how much I didn't mind being used in such a way, or that I wished for more.  That is where my desires surpass just being one of your friends.  I want more.

"We are selfish, Lina, you and I, but the difference is that you are willing to help others out of kindness not out of convenience for the most part.  I on the other hand do exactly that, use you all as my own convenient pawns, and I still want more.  I want the one thing that you have not given to anyone else in all the time that I have known you though I believe that either the chimera or the swordsman will have it soon..."

Lina watched him expectantly, waiting for him to continue, her muscles taught and her heart pounding in her chest.  Swallowing hard, she voiced the question echoing through her mind.  "What is it?"

"You.  Completely and totally.  But I cannot have that," he trailed off and the sorceress took a step forward.  "Which is it?  Gourry or Zelgadis?  Or am I mistaken and it is someone that I don't know about?"

"You _are_ wrong," she said softly and cringed when she saw his shoulders slump slightly and the grip on his staff tighten.  "Before I tell you who, answer me one last question, Xelloss... Situation, practicality, and probability aside, if you could really know me, or rather, since you know me -better than I do myself- what would I be?"

He turned to her with a small smile, his hand coming up to brush her bangs out of her eyes, gliding down to rest against her cheek.  "Mine."

"That's all I needed to know."

"Wha--" 

"For a guy that always seems to know so much, you can be very clueless," she laughed, feeling more like her old self again.  He'd been right; her mask was more than just something to put on in front of the others, it was _her_.  She grinned impishly at the curiosity clouding the Mazoku's face and grabbed the collar of his shirt tightly.  "It's you, idiot."

Xelloss didn't have time to voice his confusion, or sudden elation as he was pulled down to have her lips press against his.  So soft, warm, and inviting; he deepened the kiss slowly, his arms curling around her of their own accord.  Moments passed in a sweet eternity until he felt the sorceress pull back a bit, breaking the kiss and looking up at him with a wide smile.

"We better get back, it's almost time to wake Zel up for is watch."

"As you say," he replied, reluctant to release her.

He finally let go, but followed swiftly behind her as she led the way back to the camp, and sat next to her after she'd restored the fire to a comfortable height.  They sat in silence for a while longer before she moved again, this time walking over to Zelgadis' sleeping roll and shaking him awake.

"Good night, Zel," she bade as the chimera took up a position on the log on the far side of the fire.  Stifling a yawn, she stripped off her shoulderguards, boots, gloves and cape before climbing into her own sleeping roll.  "Good night, Xelloss.  Are you still going to be here in the morning?"

"I'll be the first one you'll see," he promised with a wink.  Lina grinned when Zelgadis let out a disgusted huff, and closed her eyes restfully.

"What are you going to do?  Sleep right next to her?" he sneered darkly.  He never was one to rise in a cheery mood, especially with Xelloss around..

"Well, as long as I have your permission," the trickster said brightly, vanishing and reappearing next to the sorceress beneath the blanket.

The chimera gaped wordlessly as he watched, stunned, as Lina merely smiled at the priest and closed her eyes again as she snuggled up against the priest's chest, his arm curling over her protectively.

"Good night, Zelgadis," they said together.

Only the crackle of the fire broke the silence.

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Well... I warned ya, sort of, so comments and/or suggestions are welcome... 

  
I wonder if I'll do a third part... should I?  Hmm... well this could take some thought, but not tonight.

  
Ja matta ne, minna-san!  
  
~Ishy-chan


	3. Insight

AN: Thanks to those who reviewed!!

Broken Wings:  Many thanks for your review!  I'm glad you liked it so far.  ^_^ I thought the end of the second chapter was pretty good too… I just couldn't resist throwing something like that in there after the seriousness of the rest of the fic.  

Silver Moon Rebel:  Thank you so much for your review!  Hopefully you enjoy the rest as well!

Now, on to chapter three!

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Insight?

Zelgadis stared, and stared some more.  He couldn't believe his eyes!  _Caffeine!_ his body screamed, urging him into action.  As quietly as he could so as not to wake the rest of the party, he settled the kettle deep into the embers of the campfire and sat down to wait for the water to boil.  As he waited, his eyes trailed back over to the sleeping couple.  Well, Lina was asleep, he wasn't so sure about the Mazoku.  This… development was the _last_ thing he expected upon waking up.  Today they'd acted no different than normal, fireballs, insults, teasing, everything was the same!  But tonight…

The young man just shook his head in bewilderment.  The water was boiling.  Reaching over with a curved stick, he hooked the handle of the kettle to lift it out of the flames.  He was out of coffee, but tea would suffice, the heat of the beverage would compensate for lack of caffeine.  Mint or chamomile?  "Better go with the relaxant," he mumbled softly.  He needed something a little stronger than chamomile tea to digest this latest turn of events, but it would have to do.  Measuring out the amount of crushed leaves, he put them in his mug before adding the hot water, then sat back to wait for it to steep.

"Why _him_?" the chimera wondered.  "Why not Gourry?"

A long, sawing snore resounded through the still air, followed by a whimper from the muscled blonde, "…ina! That was mine…."

Zelgadis sweatdropped.  Shaking his head again, he finished making his tea before leaning back against a tree at the edge of the clearing.  "Why a Mazoku?" he whispered softly to himself, still puzzling over the fact.  "He's done everything short of killing her, and she ends up sleeping with him!  And I thought I'd seen it all…  Hell, I thought _I_ had a better chance than he did, not that I like her that way… but still.  What could she possibly see in _him_?"

Pausing to take a sip of his steaming tea, he let his eyes wander over his other two companions.

Gourry was stirring.  After a minute, his large cerulean eyes blinked open as he sat up.  With a smile to the chimera, he rose and disappeared into the shadows of the forest for a few moments.  When he returned he fixed himself a tea and took a seat next to Zelgadis.  "How long they been like that?" he asked softly, nodding his head towards Lina and Xelloss.

The chimera stared at the blonde dumbly.  No jealousy?  No surprise?!  "Since Lina woke me up for my watch," he said slowly.  Gourry merely nodded and continued to sip his tea.  "You don't seem surprised."

"Not really," the blonde replied simply.

"Why?!"

The swordsman glanced at Zelgadis curiously from the corner of his eye before looking back to the fire.  "I've been expecting it for a while now.  Haven't you?"

The chimera nearly choked on his hot drink.  "No!" he gasped.  "Why should I have?  Even earlier today they were perfectly normal."

"Sure," Gourry agreed with a nod, "for people so completely head-over-heels they didn't even realise it."

"If it was so obvious, how come I didn't see it coming?"

Gourry shrugged slightly, a small grin appearing on his handsome face.  "Because you believed that it was impossible, so the thought never would have occurred to you."  He paused for another sip before continuing, "Just like you never even realised that Amelia was totally ga-ga over you until Lina finally pointed it out.  Same thing."

Zelgadis took a deep breath, releasing it slowly as he tried to round up his thoughts and put them into some kind of order.  "No offence, Gourry, but you never seem to know much of anything aside from the sword, how could you see this?"

To this the swordsman laughed, careful to keep his voice low, but it was a sincere laugh none the less.  "I'm not stupid, Zel.  I may not know much about magic and such things, I'm just a simple man.  But this simple man grew up in a very, very large family with all of their worldly troubles falling on my ears because I was the only one that would listen.  You don't listen to every heartbreak, every adventure, every thought of an entire group of people without learning something.  Besides that, I'm a swordsman."

"And that has what to do with this situation?" Zelgadis asked flatly, trying to get over his amazement at how… articulately Gourry was speaking, and with such quiet understanding that the chimera had never expected.

"Details, Zel.  Jeeze…" Gourry growled, rolling his eyes.  He expected more from his chimeric companion than this!  "You're a swordsman too.  We notice the little details.  Just like in a duel, it's the little details that give away a move or an opening, and in this case, it was the little things that told me that those two were gone on eachother.  I thought you knew too."

"Hadn't noticed."

Gourry sighed, discouraged, and the chimera suddenly felt like a child who'd made a grievous error.  Now he knew how Gourry felt when they addressed him in such a way.  It was something he would not be doing again; he'd never realised how much of an insult that carried.  He was merely glad that he hadn't done it often, leaving the explanations to Lina and Amelia.

"Look," the blonde began, "you have to look at the small things, not necessarily the big picture.  Even after being backstabbed and lied to, did she ever truly mind whenever Xelloss reappeared?  She wasn't even mad to find out he was conspiring against her with Vagar-  Valgra- er… whatever his name was."

"Valgaav. And no, I suppose she wasn't."

"Lina loves power, the thrill of the kill, and fighting.  What did he always provide?  He was always leading us on one wild goose-chase after another, but at the same time, always helping her out.  Take her talismans and she said she'd learned some powerful spell from a book he had a long time ago."

"A Clair Bible Manuscript and yes, she did learn a 'powerful spell'," Zel quoted, it would mean nothing to the blonde to give him the name of the spell.  That particular spell had only saved their butts, more than once!  But it meant little to the big blonde; he knew Lina could cast it and that was enough for him.

"She got rich and gained power following his leads.  Aside from that, he was never truly mean to her.  Even fighting that last Mazoku at the gate-thingy, he only knocked her out to take that weapon of light, he didn't kill her though he had to have been sure he was going to succeed without her otherwise he never would have taken it." Gourry fell silent for a few minutes to sip his tea and let Zelgadis digest the information.  "Two more major things."

"What're those?"

Gourry swirled the last of his tea around his mug before gulping it down.  "How much time does he spend with her?"

"The same amount as we do," Zelgadis answered immediately.  "When he's around."

"Exactly."

Zelgadis looked at him blankly before it suddenly dawned on him.  "You're saying that he doesn't have to spend as much time with us as he does, aren't you?"

Gourry flashed the chimera a large smile before yawning.  "Right.  We both know that he would get just as much if not more information about us by staying out of sight, but he makes sure Lina knows he's around.  The second thing was that he's been around off and on for the last couple of years and hasn't tried leading us on another foolish quest.  He's just gone along with wherever we go, occasionally pointing out a spot of interest for Lina or us, but nothing that has lead to beating up more Mazoku or saving the world or anything."  He yawned again as he rose to his feet.  Smiling back down at Zelgadis, he added his last piece, "Now I'm going back to bed.  Wake me when you get tired."

Zelgadis nodded but remained silent, watching his friend return to his sleeping-roll.  It was only minutes before the blonde was snoring softly once more.  Gourry'd pointed out many good points that he'd never really thought about.  He'd known about those things all along, just as the rest had, but he just hadn't _seen_ them for what they were.  But wasn't it all just interpretation?  Either way, leave it to Gourry to straighten out the obvious.

"But that still doesn't answer the 'why'."

"Why what, Zelgadis?" Xelloss inquired, appearing next to the chimera.  Zelgadis glared at the violet-haired demon but said nothing.  "Well, why what?"

Maybe if he replied, the annoying Mazoku would leave him to his thoughts… _not likely_, he thought, but answered anyway.  "Why you and Lina hooked up," he finally answered after a moment.  "I just don't understand why it was you."

Xelloss opened his eyes to study the young man for a long time before an impish grin spread over his lips and he winked.  "Sore wa himitsu desu!"

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AN: the next chapter "Revelation" will be up shortly.  Comments or suggestions are welcome, of course! 


	4. Revelation

AN: 

Broken Wings: glad you liked how I portrayed Gourry.  I tried not to make him overly bright, but he's not dumb as a rock either!  Hopefully I did the poor guy justice.

S: Hmmm… Amelia's going to be interesting, I'll admit.  I have a hard time keeping the character IN character and writing a zealous Justice-minded princess is not exactly my idea of a walk in the park… but I hope that I can keep the fic flowing.  Glad I've managed to keep your interest!

Thank you so much to Lisa as well for your email!  Great to hear from a reader!

Now, on to chapter four!

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Revelation 

The air was already warm as the sun broke over the horizon, its glorious birth obscured to the travellers by the thick forest surrounding their little dell.  The young princess was sitting quietly by the fire, waiting for the kettle to reheat once more.  Zelgadis would be up soon, she knew, with Gourry and Lina following shortly after.  After she shared a quiet cup of tea with Zelgadis, she would begin making breakfast for her mentor and the sorceress' self-proclaimed guardian.  

Xelloss wasn't in the campsite, she'd noticed when Gourry woke her for her watch a couple of hours before.  He'd said that the priest had disappeared before his watch had begun.  Amelia shrugged.  _At least he can't torment Zelgadis if he's not around,_ she thought.  Carefully lifting the lid of the kettle, she deposited a measured amount of herbs and resettled the lid to let the concoction brew.  It wasn't long before the gentle scent of mint began permeating the early morning air.  With a smile of satisfaction, she moved the kettle to the edge of the fire so that it would stay hot but wouldn't keep boiling, that way it didn't become too strong by the time the others awoke. 

"Good morning, Amelia," Zelgadis bade softly as he sat up in his bed-roll. 

The princess smiled brightly at him and proceeded to pour out two mugs of tea, handing one to him as he moved to sit down next to her.  "Good morning, Zelgadis-san.  Sleep well?"

Zelgadis gave a small huff in response.  Suddenly a thought occurred to him and he glanced quickly around their little campsite.  "Where's Xelloss?"

Amelia shrugged, surprised by the sudden unease in his voice.  Normally he was happier if the Mazoku wasn't around, especially up just waking.  "Gourry-san said that he was gone before his watch.  I haven't seen him.  Why?"

"Just wondering," the young man answered quietly.  Inwardly, he wondered if the priest would keep his word to Lina.  On the other hand, at least he hadn't returned since his last utterance of "that is a secret" to make a nuisance of himself.  Suddenly he turned to Amelia with a faint frown, causing the young woman to watch him curiously as she slowly sipped her tea.  "What do see when you look at Xelloss?"

"Excuse me?" Amelia choked, shocked.  

"Just answer me, honestly," Zelgadis demanded.

Blinking in surprise, Amelia tried to collect her thoughts.  "Just answer why you need to know."

"I'll tell you after, but I need to know, Amelia.  Please, just answer my question."

"Well…" she paused.  "Do you mean physically or just… all around?"

"Both."

"Hmm," the young sorceress sighed thoughtfully.  She'd never really tried to peg a distinct description on Xelloss before.  Not to mention that she was deathly curious about the chimera's sudden insistence to know.  "Xelloss-san is a very intelligent man, but very secretive too, as you well know.  However, he's never rude that I've seen, and that speaks volumes.  Yes, he is a Mazoku, a being created from evil, but there's good in him, as there is everyone."

Zelgadis waited patiently as Amelia sipped her tea and formulated her thoughts.  

"He's a lot like you, Zelgadis-san."

"_What?!_" Zelgadis gasped, gawking at the princess in utter disbelief.  "How can you compare me with _that_?"

"Calm down, Zelgadis-san!" Amelia begged in a hushed tone; the others were still sleeping after all.  "I meant nothing by it, I swear!  There was no offence intended."

Zelgadis tried to control the sudden wave of anger that burned through him.  Amelia was sincere, he could see it her cerulean eyes, and he would get nowhere by losing his temper with her.  "How can you compare us?"  

"You really aren't so different, Zelgadis-san," Amelia said, her tone still low and pleading.  "You're both secretive, hiding a lot from the rest of us.  You're both careful about what you say, and to whom.  Both of you protect Lina-san, just like Gourry-san does!  See, nothing bad!"

"That's what we have in common?  That's what makes us 'not so different'?" Zelgadis demanded, still struggling with his indignation at the comparison.

"You're a good person, Zelgadis-san, a bit zealous at times, and stubborn too, but still a good person."  The young princess sighed, turning her eyes to the steaming mug cradled carefully in her hands.  She had the sinking feeling that she'd never be able to convince the chimera that she'd meant no wrong with her comment.  "Xelloss-san can be too, if given the chance.  Don't you see that?  

"Did it ever occur to you that maybe he hasn't made a point of showing you his good side because you won't accept that he has one?  You seem to think that just because he's a Mazoku that he is pure evil, as I used to naively believe, and so, you cannot even imagine that he has the ability to do well.  Maybe he has led you to think that you are right simply for the fact that it's so far suited his purposes, whatever they may be, and as a Mazoku, he may find it amusing to see your single-mindedness despite your claims to have changed."

Amelia suddenly gasped as she realised what she'd said.  Once she'd started, she just kept telling him how she'd felt, but surely now, he'd never forgive her!  "I'm sorry!"

"Is it true?" Zelgadis asked, watching the princess carefully.

"That is what I believe, yes," she answered in a low whisper, her heart breaking.  She no longer felt the way she had before, knowing now that her feelings were merely a passing crush, but that did not change the fact that he was a dear friend, one whom she'd never wanted to hurt in any way.

Xelloss suddenly emerged from the diminishing shadows of the trees, his usual smile in place.  "Good morning!  Did I miss anything?"

Zelgadis glowered at the priest before rising and stalking across the campsite.  "I'm going for a walk."

"Zelgadis-san!" Amelia called after him.

"Leave me alone!"

Amelia glanced at Xelloss briefly as she stood.  "There's tea made, Xelloss-san, help yourself."  Then she darted after the chimera.  He had to understand!

"Go back, Amelia.  I want to be alone!" Zelgadis snarled over his shoulder as he wound his way quickly through the thick trees and underbrush. 

"No.  Stop right there, Zelgadis!" Amelia yelled in her most authoritative tone, deliberately calling him by just his name.  She was surprised when the young man complied, though she had to swallow her trepidation at the rage roiling in his eyes as he turned around.  "I want you to know that there was nothing meant by my comment."

"There was nothing meant," he repeated with a tone of finality.  "Now let it drop."

"No, I won't.  Not until you tell me why you're so upset, and why you wanted to know what I thought of Xelloss-san."

Zelgadis thought of just brushing the young woman off, but seeing the stubbornness and concern set in her round features made him reconsider.  She'd told him the truth after all; that's what he'd asked for.  Now he ought to have the decency to return the gesture.  "I wanted to know what you thought of Xelloss because Lina and Xelloss are… a couple now.  And I couldn't understand why she'd chose someone like him."

"Because he's Mazoku?" Amelia posed, deciding to deal with her own surprise at the development at a later, less critical time.

"Mostly."

"But you're part Mazoku," Amelia reminded, seeing the chimera flinch, "but that doesn't change the way we feel about you.  You're our friend, Zelgadis, and part Mazoku or not, you're still a good person at heart.  We all know that because Lina-san gave you the chance to prove it.  Don't look so surprised," she laughed, "I've heard the story of how you two, three including Gourry-san, met.  And just like she gave you a chance to prove yourself worthy of her trust, she's granted the same favour to Xelloss-san.  And he's obviously earned some of it.  But never doubt, Zelgadis-san, she's leery of him despite her emotions.  I've seen how she the sits and thinks when he's not around and I've asked her about it.  She's trying to figure out if he's got another ulterior motive aside from entertaining himself again.

"She may like, maybe even love him, but she's not stupid enough to forget that Xelloss-san has a mistress and is ultimately bound to her.  However," she rushed on as Zelgadis' expression became darker, "do not rule out his loyalty to Lina-san.  He's saved her more than once, and that's just one example.  He does have some good in him, just as ever human has some evil in his heart, he just needs the opportunity to prove it.  It may not be in chivalrous ways like what Gourry-san would do, or even the ways you've proven yourself, but in smaller, more subtle ways.  

"We all wear masks, Zelgadis, even me, but you must become more and look beyond the surface.  Read the pages of the book, not just the cover before you toss it away."

With that the ebony-tressed princess turned and walked slowly, but purposefully back in the direction of camp, leaving Zelgadis standing alone with his thoughts in the well of shadows cast by the forest around him.

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AN:  Hmmm, how was that for Amelia??  Now… off to work on the next one: Chapter 5 "Heart"…   Comments, criticisms and suggestions?  Bring 'em on!


	5. Heart

AN: sorry it took so long to update, RL took precedence.  Well, here's chapter 6, hope you enjoy!  

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Heart

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Xelloss watched the group through lidded eyes as they finished their supper at the inn they'd found earlier that afternoon.  Lina and Gourry were wolfing down their meal with those 'exquisite eating habits', as he'd dubbed them the night before, Amelia was already finished her own dishes and was now sitting back with a mug of hot chocolate.  Zelgadis sat at the far end of the table, appearing no different from normal as he sipped his own hot beverage, but the Mazoku could sense that the chimera was brooding.

He'd known that the chimera was going to have a hard time accepting his relationship with Lina, but he wasn't expecting to get the cold shoulder.  Anger, yes; irritation, probably; surprise, definitely, but where was the sudden burst of anger?  The fit of rage he would throw on the rare occasion when he'd had 'too much'?  Why hadn't he pulled Lina aside to tell her that she'd made a mistake?  Instead, the ivory-clad swordsman had been silent for most of the day, hanging back from everyone as they travelled, and now, seemingly lost in his own thoughts.  What piqued the priest's interest was the twinges of curiosity and, oddly, regret among the other expected emotions.  Just what was the little chimera thinking?

With the faintest shrug, he shifted his attention back to the others… Amelia was rising from the table, bidding them all a good evening.  "Good night," he answered when she addressed him, then turned his focus back to the redhead and blonde seated across from him.

They'd finished their meal and were sitting back, allowing the exhausted waiter to cart their dishes away.  Gourry was asking what was planned for the coming days, listening carefully as the sorceress replied.  The priest listened too.  Not to her words, but to the tone, the sound.  He was drawn by her voice, just as he was by her eyes.  It was neither masculine nor overly feminine.  It harmonized the sounds, threaded with a patient tone, making it gentle on the ears but not monotonous as some tended to be.  He knew nearly every tone, every nuance that she used as she spoke; he'd studied her well.  It was exciting to hear her cast her spells; he'd always been attracted to power, but she also made it a beautiful show of grace.  Truly a sight to behold.  

The Mazoku had lusted after her for a few years now, patiently biding his time until he could have the ultimate triumph: her willingness.  He hadn't been aware exactly when it'd happened, as those in love rarely know, but he'd lost his heart to the flame the world feared, the avatar of Chaos Lord.  She'd become his fire, his desire, his life.  His loyalty to his mistress would always be there, but it had faltered.  No longer could he obey her every assignment, and he prayed to L-sama herself that the Beastmaster would never even whisper the order he feared.  For then, he'd have to take measures of his own to protect what he treasured, and though he would take the actions needed, he did not want to; he loved his mistress, she was his life-giver, his creator, his mother.  

But no one would take away his heart.  Not again.  He'd lost his first love long ago to L-sama, and in return she promised him another.  It was then he'd vowed that on one would take away his life again!  He'd been wary to think of Lina as his own, actually nervous she'd reject him and that he'd been wrong about his own emotions after burying them for so long.  But hearing her thoughts the night before, he'd obeyed an impulse and shared his secrets with her.  Now, he was elated he had.  He felt whole again, as if the part that had been stripped away when L-sama'd interfered the last time was finally mended.  

Lina was heading off to bed now, Gourry and Zelgadis also departing for their own rooms, leaving the trickster priest alone at the table.  After the others were out of sight, and no one else from the tavern was paying attention, he vanished, reappearing in Lina's room before she arrived.  It was only a moment before the door opened and the petite sorceress stepped inside, closing the door behind her.

"Lina-chan," Xelloss purred, stepping up to embrace her tenderly.

Lina smiled.  She could see his features faintly in the light of the dying sun and marvelled at what she saw there.  Emotions, pure and true, and completely unveiled.  It was then she knew the answer to a question she'd never ask aloud…

_Can a Mazoku truly love…_

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Well there's chapter five, it's short but I didn't think it needed more, not here.  Thanx to everyone for reading up to this point and now off to Chapter six "Bonds".  Sorry to all when I'd originally said this was finished… it just didn't seem settled enough… so coming up is the next chapter, and hopefully I can give the fic a bit better closure (that or I'll end up stretching this out for a bit…)  Let me know what you all think!


	6. Bonds

Lina woke to the quiet but clear rapping of stone against wood and recognized it as Zelgadis' knock. Shifting slightly, she knew she was alone in the bed and sighed softly before flipping the blankets back to dress as she called out to her friend. "One sec, Zel… Alright, come in."

The chimeric youth stepped into the room and gently closed the door behind him. Everyone else was still asleep and he'd prefer if they stayed that way until he'd had his talk with his best friend.

"Come sit down, Zel," Lina offered, gesturing to the tiny table and two chairs at the end of her room. "What is it that's bothering you?" When Zelgadis hesitated before sitting in the proffered chair, Lina chuckled. "One, I knew you would have a reaction to events from the other night. And two, you never wake me up unless you want to talk without any one else having a clue. So, talk."

"Alright," the young man agreed slowly. Leave it to Lina to be direct. It was for the best that she laid it out already because before he walked into the room, he'd had no idea of how to start this conversation. "To be blunt, why him?"

Lina took a deep breath as she sat down across from her friend, exhaling slowly as she formulated her thoughts. "I like him," she began only to be cut off.

"I figured out that much from the other night!"

"No need to be snappish, Zel," Lina said softly and she eyed her friend warily, unsure of his temper. No need to say something to set him off to the point of destroying the inn's room. "You wanted answers and I'm going to try and give them to you. And you are going to sit there and shut up until I am finished because if you don't, you'll cut me off and not get a full explanation. Am I clear?"

"… yeah."

"Good." Taking another refreshing breath, Lina began again. "I like him, Zel. As more than a friend. I know you want to know why and I'm not sure that I can answer that clearly but I'll try.

"I need someone that understands me. Not just the everyday me, but the true _me._ Do you understand?"

"Not really," Zelgadis admitted. He'd forced his temper into check and truly made himself listen to her words. Her tone was earnest but not forceful, almost pleading for him to understand, but he just wasn't grasping her meaning. "You are you. At any time."

"No, we're not."

"We? I thought that we were talking about you?" Now Zelgadis was beginning to feel confused and it was not a state that he enjoyed. He liked knowing and was used to being the one to give things the most thought out of their little entourage. He was not used to being the one that things had to be explained to, much less in simpler terms. It was frustrating and on the verge of humiliating for him.

"Hmm," Lina sighed. This is what she was worried about. If she couldn't explain things properly the first time, something she wasn't sure that she could do, Zel would get too irritated to listen and would storm off and brood again. "I'm not good at explaining things that have to do with emotions, but here goes. You know that face mask you wear when we're around strangers? Well, we might not have a physical mask, but everyone has a mask they wear. Even you. We all hide things about ourselves that we don't want other people to see and sometimes we even try to forget those things exist within us at all."

"I get that," Zelgadis grumped, leaning back in his chair to cross his arms over his chest irritably. "Amelia hides a very sober side, almost depressive behind a façade of cheery childishness. Gourry is Gourry but he harbors a very thoughtful mind if not widely knowledgeable as we are. And you hide your fear and naivety behind a mask of excessive bravado and a sharp tongue. I get it. What's that got to do with--"

"Everything," Lina interrupted. Leaning back in her chair, she mimicked her friend and crossed her arms. "See this? This is what you do when you're frustrated or irritated. It's not because the position is comfortable for you to sit in. You do it because it makes you look cool, aloof and it's your way of warning people away because you're grumpy about something. We all have something, you're right about that. You're even right about me. What I didn't realize is that you all knew it and accepted me even with that.

"I value my friends more than anything I've ever had, but Xelloss is different. You are my best friend in the whole word, Zelgadis Greywords, and I … I love you as such. Gourry is very dear to me as an older brother would be and Amelia a younger sister. But with Xelloss… well… he fills a part in my heart I've only recently realized I was looking for." Sighing softly and unsure that she was making herself clear, the petite redhead leaned forward a little and rested her arms casually on the table between them. Carefully she studied her friends stoic expression, trying to read his thoughts and mood from those beautiful blue eyes. "Do you know that feeling that I'm talking about? That part of you that wishes for someone that understands you? Better even than your friends do? Or if they don't understand yet, someone that seems to fill some kind of void inside of you that no one else can seem to touch?"

Zelgadis searched Lina's crimson eyes and found himself answering without thinking, "Yes." As the word slipped past his stone lips, he realized it was true. He did sometimes miss something he could not put a name to. Once Lina'd explained it, his own feelings clicked into place. A companion was what he longed for. Someone that was unafraid, that understood, and cared.

Seeing the understanding flicker across her friend's features, the sorceress smiled fondly and continued. "He cares for me, Zel. For _me_. Not as a friend, but as the person I am. For all my faults, he wants _me_. And I've come to feel the same about him over the years."

"He's still a danger," Zelgadis pointed out quietly. Thus far Lina's tone had been gentle, almost pleading for understanding, and he didn't wish to upset her. But he felt that he had to say all that was bothering him. It was only fair. "He could really hurt you yet."

"I know. And I accept that. That is a trust I need to place in him if I want the same in return. I know that he has superiors and I don't expect this to be easy, but for now, I have what I need to survive and be happy."

Zelgadis was silent a long moment as he took in Lina's words. Lowering his eyes to the table, he truly contemplated everything she'd said and started to smile. "Then there's only one thing left to do," he said as he stood. Gently taking her hand, he pulled her up in from of him and very carefully embraced her, much to her shock. "Then keep being happy. You're my closest friend, Lina, and you deserve that much at least."

Releasing her, he noted her delighted smile and knew how much the simple gesture had meant to her. They both knew it would be a long time before it was done again, if ever, but he felt that it was the only way to get his own sincerity across. "I'll meet you downstairs for breakfast?"

"Sure."

"Oh, and Lina?" he called softly as he opened the door and stepped into the hall. When she raised a questioning eyebrow he grinned slightly. "I still don't have to like him," he told her before closing the door carefully.

Lina laughed and shook her head in bemusement.

For all their masks, acts, and facades, some things would never change.

----

Yay! Done. Not as well as I would have liked but it's been about three years since I've written anything longer than a letter. Hope this brings closure to the story. Any kind of comments would be welcome. I need to improve my writing and your feedback goes a long way to doing that. Thanks for taking the time to read my really OOC fic. Hope you all enjoyed!

Ishy


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